Syllabus tidbits no. 1

I enjoy crafting a syllabus.  Much like the clothing one wears, a syllabus can say much about the instructor and the course.  It should work at the most superficial level, providing the necessary organizational details of the course, but also conveying to the discerning reader a sense of the personality behind the pages.

With that in mind, I am sharing a few of my favorite passages.

On Personal Conduct:

"Repeated or excessive tardiness, packing up before the end of class, answering a cell phone, allowing a cell phone to ring, leaving your cell phone on the desk or in view, sleeping, texting, reading and surfing the internet during class are disrespectful and disruptive.  I will order repeated or egregious violators (recidivists) to leave the classroom.  If you cannot survive 80 minutes without viewing, fondling, or otherwise manipulating your cellular mobile telephone then you should take another class and reconsider whether you are ready for college.  It isn’t a lover; it is a device, so let’s have some perspective.  Save those caresses for someone that cares for you and whose affections aren’t purchased on a monthly basis.  The only exception I have ever allowed regarding phone use in class was for a student whose spouse was serving on a forward base in Afghanistan and therefore could not call on a predictable schedule.  I doubt very much if your call or text message meets that threshold of need."

I enjoy comparing their cell phones to prostitutes.

Another from the same section:

"When communicating with me via email you must include a descriptive subject line and indicate the course number: e.g. “BUS 226, question concerning the lab assignment of 12 February.”  I prefer the salutation “Dr.” (which I have earned from many years of effort), not “hey,” (which is available to anyone with a pulse regardless of their sentience).  Emails must conform to the patterns of General Written English, and avoid the mangled and idiotic syntax common to text messages.  Do not expect us to decipher your digital shorthand, as I can be deliberately, persistently, and un-apologetically obtuse when I desire to be so.  Since most email programs indicate when you have made an error in spelling there is no excuse for sending a message containing such travesties in plain view.  This is simply good practice, it should become second nature, so that the day doesn’t arrive when you realize too late that you used the word “pubic” in an email to a potential employer when you meant to write “public.”

That should get a laugh.